Last night was the ''blood moon'' - a full lunar eclipse.
I wasn't intending, necessarily, to stay up to watch it. But then I got caught in a netflix rabbit hole of Drop Dead Diva episodes (no judging! I'm aware it's awful… but I like it, dammit ) and realized after the third episode it was nearly 1am - the perfect time to check out the moon. I went half way up the stairs and then my fear kicked in: "Rona (the lady who I'm staying with / working for) will wake up and be mad at you for waking her up in the middle of the night. Go back to your room." So I did.
And then I thought ''Fuck you fear! I have a chance to see a LUNAR ECLIPSE!" and put on my boots, my scarf, my hat, and my gloves, went back upstairs, and outside into the darkness. It was windy, and the wind was blowing icy blasts of the previous day's snow off the pine branches and into my face. And I remembered a day, not two months ago, when I was in a cab with four heavy pots of coffee and a backpack full of supplies, on my way to the Upper East Side to complete what was to be my last coffee demo. It had been a rough morning - it was snowing, I was tired, and the shoes I had to wear to work leaked. I had decided, on the way from the subway to stock up my demo stuff, to just embrace the snow whacking me on the face, and pretend that every snow flake was actually a blessing, and that I was just being showered in blessings-flakes. Anyway, an hour later I was in the cab to the demo, and the cab driver asked if he could read my palm. Always up for anything, if somewhat skeptical, I showed him my right hand, and he proceeded to read it whenever we stopped at traffic lights. One thing I remember him saying was ''You need nature. You have a connection with nature. As we all do… but… like, when the rain falls, you should embrace it, when the sun shines, embrace it… take it all in. Feel the rain on your face. Feel the wind. For you, this is especially important. This is one way that the Universe will be able to support you, if you embrace nature." I told him excitedly that, just an hour before, I had decided to do just that, and that I was quitting my job to come to places where I could be closer to nature. He nodded sagely, as taxi driver palm readers are want to do.
So I tried to embrace the blasts of tree-snow in my face last night, and looked up into the sky for the eclipse. It took me a while to find the moon because the eclipse was nearly full, but I found it, and gazed in total wonder at the sliver of moon I could still see.
And then a branch snapped somewhere behind me in the dark and I freaked out.
So I asked my guardians to come down (I have four - I don't know where they came from or who they are - they're the silent type - but about 7 years ago they appeared beside me after a meditation and ever since then when I'm outside alone and feeling afraid I ask for them, and they come straight down, fully armored, one in front, one behind, one to my left and one to my right) and so they did, and then I asked Granny and Grandpop and Nana and PopPop to come too, and soon I could feel them and a whole party of spirits all around me, and we all watched the moon with so much excitement. I could feel them hugging me, and I had tears in my eyes.
It was truly a special moment. I managed a full 15 minutes of watching the eclipse before the cold forced me inside again, but I realized, more fully than before, that I'm not alone on this trip. I may have been feeling alone, and isolated, so far, and physically I'm basically alone apart from the people I'm working for, but I'm not. I have this whole contingent of ancestors and friends on the other side of the veil who are totally with me, supporting me, and sending me love. And I have you guys, you who are reading this and who every now and then text or call or e-mail with a little smile or a line to say I Love You, I Support You.
So, that was my eclipse. I felt more connection with Spirit and with myself than I have done in quite a while. It felt like a turning point: a spiritual, emotional, and physical leap.
I'm still going to finish this season of Drop Dead Diva.
I wasn't intending, necessarily, to stay up to watch it. But then I got caught in a netflix rabbit hole of Drop Dead Diva episodes (no judging! I'm aware it's awful… but I like it, dammit ) and realized after the third episode it was nearly 1am - the perfect time to check out the moon. I went half way up the stairs and then my fear kicked in: "Rona (the lady who I'm staying with / working for) will wake up and be mad at you for waking her up in the middle of the night. Go back to your room." So I did.
And then I thought ''Fuck you fear! I have a chance to see a LUNAR ECLIPSE!" and put on my boots, my scarf, my hat, and my gloves, went back upstairs, and outside into the darkness. It was windy, and the wind was blowing icy blasts of the previous day's snow off the pine branches and into my face. And I remembered a day, not two months ago, when I was in a cab with four heavy pots of coffee and a backpack full of supplies, on my way to the Upper East Side to complete what was to be my last coffee demo. It had been a rough morning - it was snowing, I was tired, and the shoes I had to wear to work leaked. I had decided, on the way from the subway to stock up my demo stuff, to just embrace the snow whacking me on the face, and pretend that every snow flake was actually a blessing, and that I was just being showered in blessings-flakes. Anyway, an hour later I was in the cab to the demo, and the cab driver asked if he could read my palm. Always up for anything, if somewhat skeptical, I showed him my right hand, and he proceeded to read it whenever we stopped at traffic lights. One thing I remember him saying was ''You need nature. You have a connection with nature. As we all do… but… like, when the rain falls, you should embrace it, when the sun shines, embrace it… take it all in. Feel the rain on your face. Feel the wind. For you, this is especially important. This is one way that the Universe will be able to support you, if you embrace nature." I told him excitedly that, just an hour before, I had decided to do just that, and that I was quitting my job to come to places where I could be closer to nature. He nodded sagely, as taxi driver palm readers are want to do.
So I tried to embrace the blasts of tree-snow in my face last night, and looked up into the sky for the eclipse. It took me a while to find the moon because the eclipse was nearly full, but I found it, and gazed in total wonder at the sliver of moon I could still see.
And then a branch snapped somewhere behind me in the dark and I freaked out.
So I asked my guardians to come down (I have four - I don't know where they came from or who they are - they're the silent type - but about 7 years ago they appeared beside me after a meditation and ever since then when I'm outside alone and feeling afraid I ask for them, and they come straight down, fully armored, one in front, one behind, one to my left and one to my right) and so they did, and then I asked Granny and Grandpop and Nana and PopPop to come too, and soon I could feel them and a whole party of spirits all around me, and we all watched the moon with so much excitement. I could feel them hugging me, and I had tears in my eyes.
It was truly a special moment. I managed a full 15 minutes of watching the eclipse before the cold forced me inside again, but I realized, more fully than before, that I'm not alone on this trip. I may have been feeling alone, and isolated, so far, and physically I'm basically alone apart from the people I'm working for, but I'm not. I have this whole contingent of ancestors and friends on the other side of the veil who are totally with me, supporting me, and sending me love. And I have you guys, you who are reading this and who every now and then text or call or e-mail with a little smile or a line to say I Love You, I Support You.
So, that was my eclipse. I felt more connection with Spirit and with myself than I have done in quite a while. It felt like a turning point: a spiritual, emotional, and physical leap.
I'm still going to finish this season of Drop Dead Diva.
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